You Will Not See Me Cry
by ehliza
Summary: This story is following the events in season finale. Brennan is trying to deal with everything, what happened and she's realizing, that she has done the only thing, she never wanted to. Based on a song.


**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own Bones and I don't own this song. If I did, I would probably have much more money and wouldn't be now fighting with air-limits for luggages.

**A/N:** The song is from Rihanna, Cry. The lyrics just seemed to be perfect fit to Brennan, especially after season finale, so I had to write it :). It's not beta-read, so I'm really sorry for any mistakes.

Brennan slowly crossed her living room drown in the darkness of the night and looked through the window. Events of recent days started to raise their taxes. She couldn't think clearly. Emotions were spinning in her mind and nothing seemed to be able to stop them. Brennan leaned against cold glass and closed her eyes. She wanted to run. Just run away from all of it. She was loosing it. People were leaving her again. And this time she had no defence, because her partner had taken care of breaking her walls down.

_I'm not the type to get my heart broken, I'm not the type to get upset and cry _

It was true. All her life, after her parents disappeared, she's been careful and reserved around people. She learned, that it was way easier not to let anyone get too close, because everybody left, eventually. Why should she bother with anger, with tears? Brennan didn't want to deal with emotions. Especially her own emotions.

_Cause I'll never leave my heart open, never hurts me to say goodbye _

_Relationships don't get deep to me, never got that whole enough thing _

_and someone can say they love me truly, but at the time it didn't mean a thing _

She heard those words several times. Lots of men told her, how they felt. How they wanted to spend their lives with her. How they loved her. But she never accepted it. From the beginning of every relationship she had, she has been keeping herself distant. To her, it was just a physical release of tension. And yet, there were times, when she thought about letting them through her walls. But she wasn't so brave. Not here. Not when there was a possibility, that her heart could be broken again. So she kicked them out of her life.

_My mind is gone I'm spinning round and deep inside my tears I'll drown _

_I'm losing grip what's happening, I stray from love, this is how I feel_

She thought about leaving. She thought about locking herself inside her apartment under her blanket. About sleeping for months till everything will be alright again. But it wasn't possible. Some things will never go back into their old tracks. Although on the appearance she seemed to be like as if nothing happened, inside she cryed. She felt as if somebody was tearing her apart. Brennan had tried to hold on her old way of handling emotions, but it failed.

_This time was different, felt like I was just a victim _

_and it cut me like a knife, when you walked outta my life _

He was a constant for her those last three years. A permanent constant. Or at least it seemed to be it until that day. She knew something big was coming. It wasn't rational, but after being with him such a long time, she adopted some of his manners.

_Now I'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms _

_of a girl with a broken heart, but no matter what_

_you'll never see me cry_

And then he was shot. Because of her. Because he wanted to protect her. Because his way just continued its path. And she was left again. They had never proclaimed their love to each other, they hadn't even admitted it to themselfs. But here she was, broken, with tears in her eyes and a pain she couldn't fight. She wanted to talk with him. To let him hug her. To tell her, that everything will be alright. That they will be alright. But she couldn't. She wasn't ready for him to see her cry. Not after what he had done.

_Did it happen when we first kissed, cause it's hurting me to let it go _

This memory was bright. And warm. And full of feelings she was afraid of. Their first kiss under the mistletoe. The one which turned out to be more than just a way to let her family have a family Christmas. She held on it. Whenever she wasn't paying attention, her mind drifted to it.

_Maybe cause we spend so much time and I know that it's no more _

Brennan didn't know, when it had happened. One day she was bickering with him about some stupid thing, like driving or his precious God and another day she was staring into his eyes and saw exactly the same thing she knew, that her eyes were showing.

_I shoulda never let you hold me baby, maybe why I'm sad to see us apart _

Maybe it was one of the times, when she was scared or sad. When she was looking for a comfort and he hugged her; held her until she stepped back, because her mind started screaming its usual warning. And now they were apart.

_I didn't give it to you on purpose, gotta figure out how you stole my heart_

She had done the only thing she never wanted to do. The one she never wanted to give to anybody. But he managed to get it anyway. One step at a time and in the end of their way, she had nothing left. He took it all with himself, when his eyes blurred and then closed.

_And it cut me like a knife, when you walked outta my life _

She felt as if it was her, who was shot. As if it was her, who had a hole in her chest. She was desperate like never before. Brennan didn't believe it was happening. At one moment she was singing and dancing, at the second moment she was holding him, his blood on her hands and at the third moment she was left stunned by a man in white coat with those words. He's gone. Dead. Never ever will she see him again.

_Now I'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms _

_of a girl with a broken heart_

And now she was standing in her dark apartment. The clock on her wall striked midnight. Tears were still in her eyes. Everything what she heard about before, was now here. Every single feeling of somebody, whose heart was broken in thousand ways.

_How did I get here with you, I'll never know _

She didn't know, why she was suddenly standing in front of his front door. She didn't perceive the darkness or the time. She didn't remember knocking, but the light in the hallway turned on anyway. She heard his steps, the lock on the door being opened. His gasp, when he saw her.

_And never meant to let it get so personal _

_and after all I tried to do to stay away from loving you _

She fought it with every weapon she could think of. But the moments, when they were under the mistletoe. When they were staring at each other in the courtroom and later on the stairs outside, when she was holding her father and looking directly at him. When he was dying in her arms, because he valued her life more then his own. When she furiously hit him on his own funeral. When she leaned agaist him on the stairs, after he read her letter to Zach. Those moments were stronger than she.

_I'm broken hearted, I can let you know _

Her eyes stared at him, tears hidden deep inside of her. She felt dizzy and nauseous. His coming back from the land of dead was still something she couldn't quite believe to. An yet she had a faith. She, Dr. Temperance Brennan, the world renowned author, top forensic anthropologist and always over-rational person had a faith in her partner, that he didn't really left her that day. That he didn´t die.

And when he closed the distance between them and embraced her in his arms, her mind was filled with a single thought.

_I won't let it show, you won't see me cry  
_

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Let me know, what you think! Please :).


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